Wanted: Shark Sweatshirt

Because we all know that autumn is the season of pumpkins, apple pies, camp fires, and crew neck sweatshirts with spooky fish graphics.

Woof, woof.

Fall Back...INTO ACTION!

As the tick tock of the clock momentarily stopped for an hour to let the US of A align itself with the rest of the world, Spuds snapped out of his post-summer mourning period with a new found spring in his step.

He spent the day zipping around the island of Manhattan with his hot pink skate board and favorite flannel button up; snatching cupcakes from the hands of innocent tourists, licking off the icing, and giving them back the sub-par, bare naked cup of cake before they even realized what had hit them. How's that for a Sunday agenda.

He's currently passed out on the penthouse terrace thanks to the genius combination of icing, agave spiked hot toddies, and expense reports. (Because, yes, even the most ballin' bull terriers have to organize receipts.)

He just may have barked hard enough to have temporarily lost his woof. No worries, he'll jedi mind trick that sh*t until he's reclaimed his full-on puppy health.

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tune

Yo, listen up. With seven more dog years under his belt; this week's slow jam is dedicated to Spud's own puppy years. Conjuring memories of rollerblading on driveways (Spuds is all about that smooth pavement. Don't even think about rollin' on uneven gravel), this EnVogue tune always sets the mood right with just the right amount of sass and spunk.

SPUDS MAY BE YOUNG, BUT HE CAN DO THINGS!

IN APPROXIMATELY THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MINUTES SPUDS WAS BIRTHED INTO THE WORLD BY ONE AWESOME B!TCH.  THIS PUPPY AXE-KICKED ITS WAY OUT OF THE WOM(B)AN AND DELIVERED PURE JOY, BEST FRIEND LOVE, AND MOTIVATION TO ACCOMPLISH THINGS TO EVERYONE AS SOON AS THEY SAW THE WAG OF THE INCIPIENT TALE. YEAH.  THAT’S RIGHT, IT IS SPUDS’S HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!  

DOGPACKS AND POUND PUPPIES AROUND EL MUNDO BE CELEBRATING!  SOME PARTICULARLY CLEVER CHARACTERS EVEN TRIED TO INSTITUTIONALIZE SPECIALNESS OF 12 AUGUST BY ASSEMBLING THE BELOW OUT OF CHEAP CARNATIONS AND GREEN DOINGER FLOWERS (GOOD EFFORT, BUT THE EARS ARE DEFINITELY OFF).

FYI PROPER GIFTS FOR SPUDS INCLUDE BICYCLE GANG PROTOTYPES, HEIRLOOM TACO RECIPES, AND LOTS OF STUFF DONE IN THE STYLE OF DAWGIE.

PUT A PROPER TOWEL OVER YOUR FOREPAW AND POP THE USD 14 ASTI, TIME TO PARTY LIKE AN ANIMAL!

Wanted: Pizza Party Crewneck

This just may be the ultimate sweatshirt:

If found, please ship to Spuds. He takes a size grande thanks to his barrel chest (not only does this make him even more huggable--it ups his lung capacity resulting in increased endurance in all of his athletic endeavors.)

Spuds can think of few better uniforms to wear to a pizza shaping party. Spuds would like to remind you that stepping outside of the constructs of a circular pie lends an excellent venue for a bit of doughy self-expression. So pass the pupperoni, turn on some Beck and Pharrel mash-ups, and get rolling.

Woof, woof.

Burn Bras, Not Books

YO, YO! Spuds has got something to say (and yeeeahhh, he wishes he ate fried chicken today, get it?! like a joke on the misfits song?! Spuds always keeps it positive except when it comes to STD tests, fyi). Yeah, what he has to say, with a certain air of authority and know-how that only he can project, is that standardized tests stifle his creative puppy power. What the woof?! 


Spuds prides himself on being a renegade within the constraints of certain institutions, universities in particular, because that's where the Magic Johnson happens. One time, while leading a pack of potential students through Greenwich Village, Jared Leto (nee Jordan Catalano from the bang-on e90s MTV sitcom, "My So Called Life") interrupted Spuds's tour and advised puppies in their formative years to "burn their books." Spuds, always equipped with some broader context, reminded students that Jordan couldn't read so his implicit assumptions, vague definitions, and lack of supporting evidence rendered his claim merely a dubious opinion. (Which later proved to be a spot-on observation as clearly demonstrated by the embarrassing pseudo-intellectual attempts to stimulate brain waves with sub-par lyrics and riffs in  the so-called band "30 Seconds to Mars".)  Ahhh, but Spuds was indeed mesmorized by those piercing blue eyes and dark hair, like a blue eyed Kipper (or whatever those attractive, yet annoyingly loud little canines are called). 


Anyway, Spuds went on to receive university-level recognition for his shin-high vantage on stuff, and he vomited after eating some grass out front on the notion that those tests dissuaded him from realizing what a cunning dawg he was. And, perhaps the most important realization of them all and the real point he is trying it express, is that in order to appreciate the full repetiore of his joke power, all mating partners gots to appreciate the degree. (And that's regardless of pedigree, so put away those AKC papers.) 



Paw slap for pedantry.


Woof, woof.

Wanted: Trapper Keeper

While Spuds was picking up deals on summer party favors at the dollar store (you know you love those little umbrellas), he witnessed the first of many Back-to-School shopping scenarios to come. Armed with checklists, children ran rampant through the aisles searching for erasable pens, fresh composition notebooks, and just the right pencil case to reflect their individuality. Meanwhile their mother's, helplessly sidelined, debated the side effects of sniffing glue. Ahhhhh, to be young again.

Spuds remembers those obedience school days like they were yesterday. This inspired him to go home and dig his most prized grade school possession out of his doggy house. Buried beneath stellar report cards praising his interpersonal skills and his prom date's corsage; he found it. THE organizational tool to beat all organizational tools: the Trapper Keeper. 

Move over, Google Calendar, Microsoft Outlook, Lotus Notes, and iCan't-Run-My-Life-Without-You. Spuds is busting out the big guns. Get ready for some mind blowing productivity.

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tune

Spuds thinks Da Brat and Tyrese have a pretty good idea what a beach party should look like. He also thinks  that Da Brat's sass is just plain inspirational. She'd probably make a really great middle manager, with her excellent communication skills and abilities to clearly outline agendas. Yeah, he likes dat.

Woof, woof.

Pass the Lyonnaise, Please

Go ahead, blame it on the Moet that was sipped by the bonfire last night. Spuds can't seem to stop talking about his favorite EU country. Last night he wooed us with tales of Paris, but, it's a different French metropolis that Spuds gives the upper paw.

Smacked in between Beaujolais to the North, and the Côtes du Rhône to the South, Spuds prefer to sip his fine wines in Lyon. He also would like to share that Lyon is the probably the world's epicenter for:"I Spy: GARGOYLE EDITION". Seriously, it's a little creepy. They're everywhere And why do they always gots to look so scary?

But don't even worry about those scary gargoyles. The miles of skateboarding paths, fresh sneaker boutiques, open-air farmer's markets filled with seasonal delights, street vending machines stacked with jimmy caps, and the endless gastronomic pleasures make Lyon the laid-back hedonists choice.

But don't take it from Spuds, he learned most of what he knows from this guy:

Woof, pardon, woof.

2am in Paris

With all this talk of the Maillot Jaune amongst the bicycle gang, Spuds has been sharing some of his favorite memories of his travels in France. This evening he wooed us with tales of his second favorite French city. That's right, we said it: second favorite. Don't even worry about that.

'Twas nearly a year ago that Spuds found himself cantering through the streets of Paris's Latin Quarter at approximately 2 in the morning. In case you're not as well versed on the Parisian hoods as Spuds, after the Sorbonne-faring bichons are laid to rest, the seedy chihuahuas of the Left Bank emerge. You know the types, the ones who were never taught not to beg. This is the section the tour books warn you to stay away from. It must have been a combination of jet lag, the hypnotic blinking of the Eiffel Tower's glimmering lights, and one too many fig and brie baguettes that stifled Spuds's sense of direction. At that moment, he found himself in the underbelly of the world's most romantic city.

On the verge of his first anxiety attack since his life changing assault charge, Spuds closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Who knew one sniff could change it all? His olfactory receptors tingled with pleasure and flooded him with comfort as he took in the familiar scent of ground corn. What did the streets of Paris smell like at that moment? You guessed it: tacos. 

Spuds was then taken on a mind trip that when retold was slightly awe-inducing, but mostly frightening. His journey concluded with the realization that sometimes the B.T.M.E (best travelling moments ever) are those that evoke a quiet nostalgia for home and remind you to love the life you live, man.

Damn, Spuds is good.

There is an ongoing debate whether Paris is best in the rain, or the evening, or when tripping on expired Alpo. But in Spuds's mind, Paris is best at 2am in a dark alley along the Left Bank with the scent of chorizo and carnitas wafting down the rue. And that is truly a testament to just how unique and enchanting "La Ville-Lumiere" really is.

Excuse moi, woof.

Update: Grizzly Attack

For those with a memory that hasn't been compromised by an excess of song lyrics and/or recreational neurotoxic substances, you may remember Spuds sharing an excellent warranty letter sent by one of his bicycle gang members.

Apparently, Spuds wasn't the only one to appreciate the genius behind the argument; as displayed in the below response.

Sometimes things are just so right.

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tune

While attending a local polo club's annual Midsummer Night's Social, Spuds serenaded a particularly well kept Jack Russell with this tune. Spuds would like to remind everyone to never judge a pooch by his or her pedigree--sometimes even the most seemingly clean cut breed can bust some freakishly impressive moves on the dance floor.

Adina was onto something here. Isn't it all about the dog in all of us?

Yeah dat's what I thought, good puppy.

Woof, woof.

Don't Mention It

Spuds has been hiding in his doghouse after this picture emerged following a quick stopover in Taiwan. Apparently, for a fleeting moment Spuds decided to turn in his single speed tricycle for a Harley. 

Not all good ideas turn out to be good ideas. 'Nuff said. 

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tune

Spuds chose this week's slow jam after hearing a particularly moving acoustic rendition. It was a prime SJ backdrop: a sunset cruise along his favorite barrier islands inter-coastal while sipping his puppy pack's signature drink and counting the dolphins surfacing around his yacht. Spuds silently thanked T-boz, Lisa Left Eye, and Chili for crafting such a lyrical masterpiece.

You might need to read that paragraph a few times to appreciate how majestic the life of Spuds Mackenzie is.

Woof, woof.

Spuds's Book Club

Something Spuds knows about is culture; art, leisure, sport, international lovers, and high literature.  Today on a plane, Spuds characteristically produced a neon-jacketed book and felt perfectly at home amongst a plane full of Chow-Chows and Pekingnese.  Why the insatiable appetite for literature? The transandental power of rock and roll biographies, of course!  They have expanded upon the solemn into a more holistic and radical appreciation Spuds gots for musical artistes.  Except for Slash's bio, that changed things.  Anthony Kiedis, Perry Farrel, and a few other jokers' lyrics and gyrations now hold an even higher form of meaning, since Spuds gots that blow-by-blow on the seductions, OD-s, and other stuff too. 

Not every pup has developed this cultured sniffer for refinement and pleasure, just like not everyone knows how to subtly rock a neon bandana.

 Ahem, woof.

Pigeon Police

Somewhere between a deep tissue massage for his tight puppy hips (he's been wagging his tail a little too hard ever since the weather warmed up) and indulging in his favorite probiotic packed frozen yogurt; Spuds found himself wandering through a particularly quaint city park. Surrounded by the sweet scent of lilacs and cotton candy with just the right amount of homeless earthiness, Spuds took a moment to enjoy his temporary retreat from the bustle of urban life. However, temporary it was thanks to a flock of pigeons that flapped dangerously close to his snout. 

If there's one type of aviary creature that Spuds could rid from the planet, it would be the urban pigeon. Sorry pigeons--he just ain't down with you. 

Just when Spuds was about to start barking, a young man came to his assistance. "Put up your hands or I'll shoot  you, Pigeon! This is the Pigeon Police!"

Although this boy was only armed with the his imagination, the fervency that he demanded that these pigeons listen to his authority was frightening. The mass quickly departed to a far-off block. 

While we all can't take the time to attend Pigeon Police Academy this summer, Spuds will most definitely be adding this to his list of objectives.

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tunes

After playing this on repeat for the entire summer solstice while artfully sculpting Wu-Tang shaped pizza pies and narrating his skills to a captive audience in his best Beck-inspired falsetto; Spuds finally revealed the master behind this mash-up. It is with the greatest of pleasure that we step to you with this fresh pack of gum.

 

Woof to the GoDz....

Flavor of the Week

There are few things Spuds appreciates more than a scoop or two of ice cream in his doggy bowl. He doesn't limit himself to chocolate or vanilla, no, this pooch's palate appreciates a variety of flavors. Lavendar Honey Swirl, Madagascar Vanilla with Course Sea Salt, Mexican Chocolate with Ancho Chilies--you know, gourmet stuff like that.

Spuds seeks out ice cream with the diligence of a truffle pig looking for shrooms. He's just that serious about it. While passing through a rest stop on his last road trip, he stopped at a colorful local ice cream parlor. It was here that he found the most unique flavor of the week to date: Crumbs Along the Mohawk.

He found this name only slightly less confusing than his ex-girflriends Swayze hair. But he doesn't worry about stuff like that--he just went big and dove in.

Grab a bowl, ditch your spoon, and lick away--Spuds style. 

Woof, woof. 

Mountain Dog

Spuds has recently returned from an epic journey to the Adirondack Mountains.

He retreated to upstate New York after forcing himself to walk away from one of his favorite girlfriends. Spuds is a pretty strong communicator and is open to working through issues in relationships, however, when his SO's hair started to look alarmingly similar to Patrick Swayze's character Bodhi (from Point Break), he had to pull the plug.

Sure, Bodhi was a looker with an inspiring take on life; however, his girl's locks were conjuring images of Spuds' totally radical hero during some pretty blush worthy moments--and Spuds just thought that was confusing. Long story short, he regretfully had to step away.

He fled to the mountains to lick his wounds and it was there that he partook in a plethora of soul feeding activities: paddling across lakes after dark, bounding up mountains and enjoying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the summit, running beaver damns in canoes, screaming down scenic descents on his skateboard, and licking maple syrup off his paws after indulging in bountiful brunch buffets; to name a few.

After a week of catharsis,  fresh air, and successive best day ever's; he's ready for the next bitch. (And yes, we mean that in the proper biological sense of the word. Spuds just isn't down with misogynistic language. RESPECT.)

Woof, woof.

Oh Snap!

Recently, Spuds was tossing some disses back and forth with a pal and popped the ultimate question:

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Go ahead, try it. Spuds promises this throwback will brighten your day and leave your verbal sparring partner disarmed (and possibly alarmed).

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tunes

Chosen for it's lush harmonies and complex bass lines, this is one of Spuds go-to favorites. What better way to ring in mid-June than this steamy favorite.

Woof, woof.

Grizzly Attack!

Hey, if you're going to be a bear, be a grizzly. 


This includes going big in all aspects of your life no matter how pedestrian: grocery shopping, flossing, and writing letters to customer service departments. You know, stuff like that. The following entry is directly quoted from a memo that a member of Spud's coterie of winners painstakingly crafted and can only be described as the best warranty request letter ever to be signed, sealed, and delivered.


These are the glimpses of greatness that ensures Spuds has a best day ever, everyday. 

Rude Project North America

1015 Calle Amanecer
San Clemente, CA. 92673


Dear Rudy Project:
Let me start by saying that I’m a huge fan of all the different Rudy project products.  Attached is a picture of me wearing the Rudy Glasses in question and Rudy Helmet that was used in a triathlon promoter’s website.  In addition to triathlon, I’m active in many other sports including trail running.  It was during a trail run that I believe the Rudy Project product defect was discovered.

So I was trail running and out of nowhere a giant 1800lb grizzly bear jumped out and started attacking me.  He just started clobbering me with his massive paws and then he began chewing on my Rudy Project Sport Shield glasses.  It was at that moment that this grizzly bear just pushed it a bit too far.  As I have watched an inordinate amount of martial arts movies growing up, I was totally prepared for this situation.  I used a Chinese dragon technique and was able to fight the massive bear off.  I’m happy to say that neither the bear nor I were seriously injured during this sparing bout.

Ok, back to the defect.  Rudy Project is by far the best sunglass option for the serious sportsman.  I may be over thinking this a bit but…I would have figured that the sunglass designers would have definitely engineered the glasses (especially the Sport Shield) to withstand a grizzly bear attack.  
In any case, I appreciate your consideration.

Sincerely,

He who shall not be named, but repeatedly high 5'ed for life

Welp, that's how it's done, folks.

Woof, woof.

Popsicle Thief

We recently came across this poetic masterpiece that Spuds had scrawled on a lightly used napkin and left on the picnic table. Enjoy:

Untitled #1

by Spuds Mackenzie

I have eaten

the grape Popsicles

that were stowed

in the cooler

and which

you were probably

saving

for a summer soiree

Forgive me

they were delectable

so sweet

and so cool.

Note: Spuds has never studied the works of Willy Carlos Willy and is insulted that you would even consider such a thing. 

Woof, woof

Puppy Makin' Tune

Spuds has never, ever, ever seen stonewashed denim and dress shoes look so appealing. He'd also like to applaud directors of this video for their creative use of a standard office chair. Nice work.

Grab your du-rag and smang it, girl.

Woof, woof.

...Does a Doggy Good

While peeling and prepping bananas to be frozen so they could be added to fresh fruit smoothies ("prepping" includes removing the banana's tip--Spuds thinks those are gross); Spuds had a sudden burst of joy and appreciation for his new found healthy lifestyle.

Spuds had been packing some post-prison pounds and chose to trade in his Bud Lights for Gatorade, his afternoon happy hour for doggy paddling sessions in the river, and his low rider for a svelte beach cruiser. Spuds knows that the key to having a best day ever, everyday is to get his little paws moving and his tongue puppy panting. Spuds is good like that.

Don't worry, Spuds can still karaoke with the best of them and hold his own at the tiki bar. It's not like he's going to do anything stupid like sign up for an Ironman or start training for bike races, for goodness sake. He knows those activities are reserved for young professionals who are seeking asylum from their inner-most demons or old men who can't afford Aston Martins, but can afford these.

Yeah, something like that.

And anyway, Spuds just isn't down with that much spandex. Especially spandex that reveals a puppies pooch. That just isn't cool, man.

Woof, woof.

Wanted: Surf Style Breaker

While sniffing around the back of his rafting guides sleeper van on a recent visit to Banff, Spuds came across the familiar scent of Interplanetary Body Gear.

Upon further inspection, he discovered an entire Surf Style suit--Windbreaker Jacket and Pants. . The thrill of spotting this piece rivaled the adrenaline rush of surfing the rapids and sipping brewskies while floating down the river. For Spuds, this was the equivalent of seeing a unicorn prancing across an open meadow. Two words: F-ing majestic.

Unfortunately for us, Spuds doesn't ever carry a camera with him. He prefers to live in the moment instead of trying to capture the past. He's so good like that. However, just in case you aren't familiar with this stellar line of technical windbreakers, here's a little taste of what he saw:

Woof, woof.

Return of the Mack

Listen, listen: it's the return of the mack (eastern hemisphere spuds
HOLLA!), only obsfucated by GRE preparatation coursese and complex
chinese characters tryng to constrain my expression: NO WOOFING WAY!

Spuds has recovered from those pickles shots over the weekend with the
assistance of some straight-nutrition procured from a culinary blend
of unmelted brie and dry cider. and yeah, Spuds eats that rennet rind.
Don't even worry about that.  Spuds has also been inspired by the
good people of Park n Shop (located between mosque street and robinson
road) who gave him a COMPLIMENTARY american-heroes themed place mat
for puppy chow after purchasing USD 32 of beverages to stock the
half-fridge so it's looking Cribs-worthy.  


Mission: COMPLETE.


Lime-Perrier, gatorades for warding off hypoglecemic crashes that be
fooling with 5:30am mountain runs, and other stuff too.  Don't want to
be too proud a puppy to start making you b!tches (in the most
biologically-accurate sense of that phraseology, werd) jealous.  


PS,
it's almost Jueves AKA Thursday which is procreation-priority day...so
today Spuds must disclose ALL of the slow jams keeping his hips swinging
free like gelatin products:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ (give this one 10 seconds)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl2WJdn3qOE (yeah, you KNOW Spuds be
loving that summer samba)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_BcrkYxpb4 (so SEXY, so NECESSARY!)

paw-che out.
smck

Give Me My Pickle Back, SVP

Just so we're clear, Spuds doesn't normally indulge in novelty shots. That's just not his kind of drinking. Spuds like other stuff, like Belgian whites, hoppy IPA's, oak barrel aged whiskey, and gatorade; you know--stuff like that. He saves the shots for floozy blondes and/or the most horrifying genre of men at the bar--the frustrated, post-collegiate fraternity boy begging for Jameson. Woof.

However, there is one, and only one, exception to this rule. A marriage made in heaven. A duo so genius that Spuds swears he invented it in his former life. Ladies and gentleman: the Pickle Back.

Broken down as follows:

Pickle Back = shot of whiskey + immediate shot of pickle juice

You're welcome.

A few warnings:

1.) The consumption of pickle backs indubitably leads to the immediate consumption of another. We call this the law of the Pickle Back, or the PB^2 phenomenon.
2.) Once a PB is consumed, you may find yourself surrounded by women taking their clothes off. In some parts of the world, they are called "strippers".
3.) You may or may not have the urge to throw rocks at moving objects.
4.) If found in a bar that only offers pickled asparagus juice, resist the urge to use as a substitute. Upon first taste, it seems acceptable. Trust us, it's not. (Thanks, Canada)
5.) Spuds has found himself skateboarding through the streets during after hours on full blown pickle pilgrimage--searching for jars to bring back to his gang who he's left hanging.

Proceed with caution. And keep the pickle out of the hands of that floozy blonde, will you?

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

Spuds is currently en route to an undisclosed location outside of the US Borders. Rumor has it, he's either jet-setting to Singapore to ride his skateboard through the swarms of runners at the midnight marathon, handing out electrolyte tabs and offering words of encouragement; or crossing the border to hang with our neighboring maple leaf fans, tirelessly hunting for perfect screen-printed crew neck sweatshirts at truck stops and applying his "How to Take out a Grizzly Bear" tactics on the trails of Calgary's finest mountains. 

Spuds wouldn't be caught dead waving an American flag and engaging in any sort of patriotic activity. Either that, or he blew his load last weekend because he forgot that Memorial Day is always the last weekend in May, indulged in one too many Gin and Tonics, and had to be pulled off the picnic table at a local polo match while barking the "Star Spangled Banner".

You decide. 

Woof, woof.

Puppy Makin' Tunes

'

Three key points influenced the decision to name this tune our choice puppy makin' track:

1.) Last weeks intertextual H-Town reference in A Tribe Called Quest tune that left Spuds hungry for some Afrocentricity on his playlist

2.) The undeniable arrival of summer that has inspired Spuds to bless us all with a steady stream of Q-Tip pumping from his boom box

3.) His familiarity with Siemen's furniture.

Woof, woof.

Wanted: Zinka

While sitting on his sunny stoop and enjoying an extra large iced coffee with cream and granulated sugar (Spuds isn't a fan of that artificial sugar syrup, he likes the crunch of sugar crystals between his chompers); he felt the familiar warmth of the sun's rays on the tip of his nose and remembered the stockpile of sunscreen he had tucked away in the dark corners of his basement. 

Just like everything in life, Spuds doesn't do SPF protection half way. No, he takes ultraviolet rays seriously (as he has previously demonstrated with his excellent advice on protective eye wear). 

Available for the first time since 1991, Zinka has made a come back and Spuds couldn't be happier. Not only is this the most technologically advanced colored skin paint ever to be sold, but it lends yet another avenue to express yourself. 

It has also been known to induce sudden beach party breakouts, as demonstrated below. Just  make sure to keep a couple tubes of assorted colors in your pack. There's only a handful of things Spuds can't stand and one of them is showing up to the  neighborhood beach volleyball court and realizing he's got the same Zinka color as the chump he smashed into the sand last week. 

Woof, woof.

Dedication

Spotted on the rear of an adoring Spuds fan in south Georgia...

Thanks to Spuds' favorite surf buddy for taking one for the team and capturing this awe-inspiring tat. The jury is still out on what category of awe this inspires. Spuds is currently experiencing a gamut of emotions ranging from extreme hilarity to discomfort.

Two things are for sure. First off, whoever inked this portrait got the colors right on. Spuds feels strongly that neon purple and lime green compliment his skin tone. Secondly, this dude has chosen a serious display of dedication to the party lifestyle. And for that, my friend, Spuds and crew bid you adieu.

Woof, woof.

Wanted: Hot Tuna

Straight off Turtle's back, Haole.

Sniff This

Besides having excellent taste in casual street wear, post-modern art, haiku poetry and fine wines (pass the Sangiovese, please); Spuds is also known for having an exceptional nose.


After a recent soiree at a piano bar where he wowed the crowd with his knowledge of Michael McDonald tunes (hey, TuPac had to sample someone); he found himself perusing the aisles of his local parfumerie. Swept into a whirlwind of sandlewood and gardenia with undertones of amber and a subtle rose water finish; Spuds indulged in one of the finer luxuries in life and walked away with a lovely reminder: stop and smell the roses.


He was also reminded of the power of scent and is currently experimenting with forgoing baths and avoiding sprinklers in order to harness his puppy pheromones. Hey, everyone has dry spells--even Spuds MacKenzie.

Puppy Makin' Thursday

"So let's knock some boots like the group H-Town". - Phife Dawg

Any smooth jam that makes it's way into a ATCQ rhyme is worthy of this list.

However, this song probably isn't a good choice for karaoke. There is a possibility that if you choose to perform this song as part of your karaoke routine that you could creep out the DJ so much that they disconnect the microphone and deem it "the creepiest moment of their career". Not that it's happened to Spuds or anything, he's just warning you.

Protect your Peeps

No. This isn't a call to guard your hidden stash of stale Peeps from your easter basket. Although you better believe that if you're having Spuds over for a dinner party and you have a thing for month old marshmallows, Spuds will sniff them out and go to town. It's just another item on the long list of things Spuds can't resist.

No, what Spuds is preaching today is the value in shielding your peepers from the suns harmful rays. There are a few precautions one must take over the summer: avoiding contact with lime and salt while in direct sunlight, darting jellyfish while floating in the sea, and avoiding sand burn as you dive for the game winning save at your neighborhood beach volleyball court; to name a few. Not that Spuds stresses about that kind of stuff...

The options for protective eye wear are bountiful and navigating your way through the trend driven sunglasses scene can be a tough one. Wayfarer's, while black are classic, have been outplayed by your local hipster. Frogskins are for the pretentious (especially the ones with mirrored lenses. What sort of pseudo-elitist spends $100+ on these suckers?), and aviators are just plain confusing.

But, there is one style that's coming on big. Spuds is calling it. A style so timeless that every Oakley and Ray Ban employee's knees are shaking. These bad boys will be breaking on to the scene faster than you can say "Urban Outfitters stole my single speed". Drum roll, please:

Introducing the Solar Shield, available in two non-gender specific frames. Snatch a pair from your neighborhood drug store or  your Grandpa's glove compartment.

Note the peripheral protection on these puppies. That's 360 degrees, mo fo. 'Nuff said.

Woof, woof.

Not-yo Cheese

Spuds is currently in recovery from an usual case of lactose poisoning. Rumor has it, he got into some bad nacho cheese at his last shindig. The unexpected heat wave combined with mediocre quality fromage spelled trouble for our favorite party pooch. Do not fret--Spuds will be back in action in no time.

Puppy Makin' Music Thursday

Drum roll, please.

Spuds has graciously offered to mark each and every upcoming Thursday with one of his choice Puppy Makin' tunes (a.k.a Sex Jams, for all of us two-legged folks). This often forgotten genre can be a powerful tool in the party animal's box. Trust us, Spuds knows this kind of stuff.

This particular musical gem holds a special meaning for Spuds. One evening while drifting in and out of a blissful sleep in his slammer cell, he recalled an especially seductive lyric from one of his past puppy love playlists. It would be years, not days, of "Let me lick you up and down, till you say stop" occupying much of his mental processes. Unable to place the specific song and/or melody--the lyric took on a whole new meaning to Spuds. It became his mantra in meditation, his go-to line to kick off his freestyle and his pick-up line at the coffee shop.

You can imagine his excitement when he first heard the complete masterpiece from which the lyric that had been taunting him for the past two years had been pulled from. So, to commemorate Spuds' subconscious lady loving skills and to inspire us all to offer ourselves until we are told to stop, here's your first "Puppy Makin' Music Tune of the Week".

Woof, woof.

Wanted: Hypercolor T-shirts

Spuds has a few items on his wishlist to complete his best summer ever, one such piece being a custom printed hypercolor t-shirt. Not only is this item an instant party favorite, but it lends Spuds the opportunity to wow a crowd with his knowledge of thermochromic materials.

Get your posse together and order some here. Please note the minimum order of 36 units. 

The only downside? It might be tough for you to see Spuds' paws all over your girlfriend. Woof woof!

Non-Stop

Spuds would like to report in that best friend stuff is in full effect. He may or may not be engaging in any of the following activities:

-Sniffing around the Great Lakes
-Perfecting the art of middle management
-Dispelling myths about his lack of patriotism while waving a USA Lanyard from his pick-up truck
-barking at bitches wearing TuPac shirts and threatening to "freak" a variety of proper nouns "from behind"
-Continuing the ultimate Search: the procurement of a long torso-ed denim and/or elephant print onesie
-Appropriately expressing his N.C.I.Y.F. love

He will return from his temporary hiatus shortly.

Taco Therapy

Even Spuds has some moments that look like a far cry from anything that could be considered part of a best life ever. 

These are the moments that define a dog; that separate the typical, whining mutt from a pure bred party animal. These are the moments that Spuds lives for. The ones that call for extreme measures: non-stop afrocentric hip-hop, multi-hour rides on beach cruisers while donning windbreakers offering Thermonuclear Protection, and a special menu item that is sure to get your tail wagging--TACOS!

Spuds recognizes a gift from G-d when he sniffs one; and the power possessed in these little diddies have parted seas and inspired multiple social movements far and wide (most notably, a group of philanthropic bicycle gang members who bless those around them with the call of the Whistle Tip).

Just remember to go for the corn tortillas. Yep, I said it: corn. Spuds knows how to keep it authentic and he fully grasps that there is no room for gluten in a proper meal de Mexico. He also has a bit of a sensitive tummy when it comes to that stuff. He blames it on prison food, not genetics. (Spuds hates when people blame their parents for their own issues.)

Lucky enough to find yourself in NYC or the iLLadelph? Spuds has got you covered. If you're skateboarding through SoHo, Spuds heart belongs to La Esquina.  Pedealing through Philly? Make it a full Tour de Taco and stop at El Limon for some quality carnitas and free sangria before making your way down the Schyukill Path and treating yourself to Distrito's Taco Bar.

Note: taco therapy has been known to induce sudden outbursts of freestyling in spanglish. 

So roll up a fatty of carnitas and guac, check your rhyme and don't leave your wallet in El Segundo, fool; because the only thing taco therapy can't remedy is identity theft.

Woof, woof.

More Than Style

If there's one thing Spuds is good at, it's expressing himself through crew neck sweatshirts.

Take this gem, for example. 

Not only is he making an artistic statement, but he's also indirectly helping raise awareness around the world's endangered cetacean population. Personally, the moment I saw this Orca breeching across his belly I was inspired to donate to Greenpeace. How's that for action through art?

Move over, Christian Lassen. 

Ah, the art of best friend stuff:

Something else Spuds excels in is best friend stuff (curating perfect summer jamz mixes is really critical too; it’s worth nothing the mood is always necessary to set right at 81’F in mid-May, approximately 11:00am on a Thursday rollerskating while melting a blue Mr. Freeze ice pop so he can lick the juice with style AND ease.)  

Today, Spuds was inspired by the waxing poet Lauryn Hill when she harkens back to her formative days “writing my friends' names on my jeans with a marker,” inciting one pretty decent flashback to the inception of his bicycle gang a few summers back while he was in the slammer for said e90s rendezvous…ANYWAY he and the gang were tagging their bike tires in green-fresh-grass paint markers with insightful hyphy lyrics to reinforce their interminable friendship in a more sanitary manner than becoming blood brothers to celebrate the true meaning of life, indubitably best friend stuff.

Arf, arf.

Fiesta Packs

Spuds knows about fun times. Particularly about how to turn a normal fun time into a marathon fun time. 


Spuds is also good at being prepared. Besides being highly effective in his personal and professional life, he's one organized party animal. 


If there's one quintessential item that you need in order to be ready to rock at all times, it's a quality fiesta backpack. 


Here's a few of Spuds' current favorites:

Note the lack of excess pockets on these packs. Spuds knows that two things never go out of style: simplicity and Aztec-inspired prints. He's good like that. He also hates losing his stuff in hidden pockets. Seriously--who needs those?


Contents depend on your personal style, but Spuds insists that these basic necessities should never be missing from a party pack: a toothbrush, jimmy caps, and a scented candle to leave as a housewarming gift.


Spuds' mother taught him well.


Woof, woof.

He's Baaaaaack

..a snippet of a day in the life of Spuds.

 This was before his run-in with Donald Wahlberg. Sure, Mark is a nice enough guy when he's not threatening to beat the snot out of Andy Samberg, however, his brother plays a dirty game of frisbee.

If there's one thing that gets under Spuds fur, it's cheating. He just won't stand for it. Long story, short--Spuds has a moral streak and he uses his teeth in the name of justice. They had a bit of a run-in back in 1995 and things didn't turn out so well for New Kid On The Block's token bad boy. Even worse, poor Spuds landed himself in the hands of the law.

For the past 16 years he's paid his dues in Venice Beaches nastiest K-9 Correctional facility. Now the pooch named the "Dean of Partyology" is back to offer his insights and learnings to all of us two-legged laymen.

So bust open a cold one, turn-up some puppy-makin' music, and prepare yourself for a whole new experience.

Woof, woof.