Saturday, August 13, 2011
Puppy Makin' Tune
Yo, listen up. With seven more dog years under his belt; this week's slow jam is dedicated to Spud's own puppy years. Conjuring memories of rollerblading on driveways (Spuds is all about that smooth pavement. Don't even think about rollin' on uneven gravel), this EnVogue tune always sets the mood right with just the right amount of sass and spunk.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
SPUDS MAY BE YOUNG, BUT HE CAN DO THINGS!
IN APPROXIMATELY THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MINUTES SPUDS WAS BIRTHED INTO THE WORLD BY ONE AWESOME B!TCH. THIS PUPPY AXE-KICKED ITS WAY OUT OF THE WOM(B)AN AND DELIVERED PURE JOY, BEST FRIEND LOVE, AND MOTIVATION TO ACCOMPLISH THINGS TO EVERYONE AS SOON AS THEY SAW THE WAG OF THE INCIPIENT TALE. YEAH. THAT’S RIGHT, IT IS SPUDS’S HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!
DOGPACKS AND POUND PUPPIES AROUND EL MUNDO BE CELEBRATING! SOME PARTICULARLY CLEVER CHARACTERS EVEN TRIED TO INSTITUTIONALIZE SPECIALNESS OF 12 AUGUST BY ASSEMBLING THE BELOW OUT OF CHEAP CARNATIONS AND GREEN DOINGER FLOWERS (GOOD EFFORT, BUT THE EARS ARE DEFINITELY OFF).
FYI PROPER GIFTS FOR SPUDS INCLUDE BICYCLE GANG PROTOTYPES, HEIRLOOM TACO RECIPES, AND LOTS OF STUFF DONE IN THE STYLE OF DAWGIE.
PUT A PROPER TOWEL OVER YOUR FOREPAW AND POP THE USD 14 ASTI, TIME TO PARTY LIKE AN ANIMAL!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Wanted: Pizza Party Crewneck
This just may be the ultimate sweatshirt:
If found, please ship to Spuds. He takes a size grande thanks to his barrel chest (not only does this make him even more huggable--it ups his lung capacity resulting in increased endurance in all of his athletic endeavors.)
Spuds can think of few better uniforms to wear to a pizza shaping party. Spuds would like to remind you that stepping outside of the constructs of a circular pie lends an excellent venue for a bit of doughy self-expression. So pass the pupperoni, turn on some Beck and Pharrel mash-ups, and get rolling.
Woof, woof.
If found, please ship to Spuds. He takes a size grande thanks to his barrel chest (not only does this make him even more huggable--it ups his lung capacity resulting in increased endurance in all of his athletic endeavors.)
Spuds can think of few better uniforms to wear to a pizza shaping party. Spuds would like to remind you that stepping outside of the constructs of a circular pie lends an excellent venue for a bit of doughy self-expression. So pass the pupperoni, turn on some Beck and Pharrel mash-ups, and get rolling.
Woof, woof.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Burn Bras, Not Books
YO, YO! Spuds has got something to say (and yeeeahhh, he wishes he ate fried chicken today, get it?! like a joke on the misfits song?! Spuds always keeps it positive except when it comes to STD tests, fyi). Yeah, what he has to say, with a certain air of authority and know-how that only he can project, is that standardized tests stifle his creative puppy power. What the woof?!
Spuds prides himself on being a renegade within the constraints of certain institutions, universities in particular, because that's where the Magic Johnson happens. One time, while leading a pack of potential students through Greenwich Village, Jared Leto (nee Jordan Catalano from the bang-on e90s MTV sitcom, "My So Called Life") interrupted Spuds's tour and advised puppies in their formative years to "burn their books." Spuds, always equipped with some broader context, reminded students that Jordan couldn't read so his implicit assumptions, vague definitions, and lack of supporting evidence rendered his claim merely a dubious opinion. (Which later proved to be a spot-on observation as clearly demonstrated by the embarrassing pseudo-intellectual attempts to stimulate brain waves with sub-par lyrics and riffs in the so-called band "30 Seconds to Mars".) Ahhh, but Spuds was indeed mesmorized by those piercing blue eyes and dark hair, like a blue eyed Kipper (or whatever those attractive, yet annoyingly loud little canines are called).
Anyway, Spuds went on to receive university-level recognition for his shin-high vantage on stuff, and he vomited after eating some grass out front on the notion that those tests dissuaded him from realizing what a cunning dawg he was. And, perhaps the most important realization of them all and the real point he is trying it express, is that in order to appreciate the full repetiore of his joke power, all mating partners gots to appreciate the degree. (And that's regardless of pedigree, so put away those AKC papers.)
Paw slap for pedantry.
Woof, woof.
Spuds prides himself on being a renegade within the constraints of certain institutions, universities in particular, because that's where the Magic Johnson happens. One time, while leading a pack of potential students through Greenwich Village, Jared Leto (nee Jordan Catalano from the bang-on e90s MTV sitcom, "My So Called Life") interrupted Spuds's tour and advised puppies in their formative years to "burn their books." Spuds, always equipped with some broader context, reminded students that Jordan couldn't read so his implicit assumptions, vague definitions, and lack of supporting evidence rendered his claim merely a dubious opinion. (Which later proved to be a spot-on observation as clearly demonstrated by the embarrassing pseudo-intellectual attempts to stimulate brain waves with sub-par lyrics and riffs in the so-called band "30 Seconds to Mars".) Ahhh, but Spuds was indeed mesmorized by those piercing blue eyes and dark hair, like a blue eyed Kipper (or whatever those attractive, yet annoyingly loud little canines are called).
Anyway, Spuds went on to receive university-level recognition for his shin-high vantage on stuff, and he vomited after eating some grass out front on the notion that those tests dissuaded him from realizing what a cunning dawg he was. And, perhaps the most important realization of them all and the real point he is trying it express, is that in order to appreciate the full repetiore of his joke power, all mating partners gots to appreciate the degree. (And that's regardless of pedigree, so put away those AKC papers.)
Paw slap for pedantry.
Woof, woof.
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